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, by Emerson Eggerichs PhD Emerson Eggerichs
Free Ebook , by Emerson Eggerichs PhD Emerson Eggerichs
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Product details
File Size: 1084 KB
Print Length: 319 pages
Simultaneous Device Usage: Up to 5 simultaneous devices, per publisher limits
Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1 edition (September 5, 2004)
Publication Date: September 5, 2004
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishing
Language: English
ASIN: B004MYFQ3Q
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#11,913 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I don't know about you, but I can always use some help being a better husband. Emerson Eggerichs's book Love and Respect: The Love He She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs can be a great resource for many couples. However, while the principles he addresses are certainly universal and solid, the application probably does not apply to many marriages. Marriages are as different and varied as we are. I've found that books on marriage often fail to connect by universalizing what helps some couples, trying to apply to all couples.Eggerichs bases his teaching on Ephesians 5:33: "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." He says that Paul intentionally did not say the wife must love her husband and that a husband must respect his wife because those come naturally to men and women. I'm not sure about that assumption. I may be mistaken, but it seems like the book is weighed much more heavily toward the wife respecting the husband side of that equation.I wouldn't mind going to one of Eggerichs's Love and Respect marriage conferences. Any book or conference like this that triggers your thinking about marriage roles and being a better spouse has value, whatever quibbles I have with the presentation.The best line from the book was from a story he told about a couple they counseled. The couple was in a "crazy cycle" and the wife had refused to have sex with her husband for some time. She was speaking with her mom, whose long, happy marriage the daughter admired. Mom's advice: Stop denying sex! Why not do something that takes so little time and makes him so happy? She wins the mother-in-law of the year award!So my feeling is mixed on this book. It definitely has some helpful sections, but, depending on your personality and the personality of your marriage, it may not hit home with you.
I am a counseling psychologist who specializes in clinical treatment and research of couples and marriage. I read this book out of curiosity.There are few books on the market that are 1) as popular as this book and 2) leave me more heartbroken due to misinformation.I think this book does well to highlight that love and respect are, indeed, very key aspects of relationships (for both partners, btw: women also need respect, and men also need love). I completely see how some, without a critical eye of the book, are positively impacted by the message.However, the author boldly claims that connection and communication are principles that only wives are interested in (false).Perhaps most harrowing, the author declares proudly that his book helped a woman return to her husband, who was abusive for many years, because she learned to "keep her mouth shut" and give him some respect (this is NOT how domestic abuse should be handled). He also shares a story where he was frustrated at his wife because she was frustrated with him for not getting a proper card (basically said don't get mad at me that i got the wrong card, just deal with it and don't get mad!) Another example that seemed particularly childish to me was that the author complained that his wife insisted he pick his wet towels up after his shower...Half of the book is literally the author discussing the blessing his book is and how important love and respect are (it could be easily shortened to about 50 pages without his self-affirming stories or reviews).Please, instead of this book, read: Love Sense or Created for Connection by Sue Johnson; The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman; I Hear You by Michael Sorensen...... Anything else. Really.
I am a Christian who believes in biblical gender roles. While the author's ideas sound good on the surface and the colored glasses analogy is helpful, this book ultimately does more harm than good. There is a subtle misogyny in the author's language that weighed on me while reading. His opinions are not congruent with my understanding of my identity in Christ. The author also plays fast and loose with scripture, taking passages out of context and building his own narratives around them, neglecting the whole of biblical witness. This was very damaging to me as a new wife trying to find my footing. I finally felt validated after my father (a long-time conservative Christian) told me he saw this author speak and also thought it was a sham. For wisdom in navigating your marriage, stick to the actual Bible and healthy Christian community.
Great, awesome book. I'm in the mental health field and I appreciate this author's take on relationships and what they consider to be important. Truthfully I'm personally agnostic, but thankfully I was open enough to allow myself to read the book and incorporate those standard wants and desires from the opposite sex into a fitting role model for a true harmonious living. I can see how this information works and would encourage anyone in family counseling to pick up the book and give it a try.
We just celebrated our 30th anniversary. This book and video series was the only thing that genuinely helped us. All our other marriage seminars, books, etc. focused on communication. We were communicating fairly well, just were always butting heads trying to get the other to change/not understanding why we were always butting heads when we loved each other and agreed on so many life issues. This book changed our marriage for the first time, because it helped me understand that my husband is just plain wired differently and MUST feel respect. He would get mad, but I'd have no idea why - because I was looking from a female perspective. Finally, as I changed my interactions with him, he felt respected and calmed down. He had always treated me very well, but after I changed, his feelings for me seemed to go deeper. I could go on but won't. I recommend this book and ministry to everyone I encounter.
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